Figured I should blog since I can't talk to you and I got so much stuff to say to you.

I came here, feeling like shit. Literally shit. I'm so fucking ashamed to be here. 

They told me, I still got 1 last shot to cross over to SCS if I do well here. I really really want to go over. 

I tried my best, did everything I can. I felt like there's at least something I can work towards to now, to make you proud, again. 

I still remember you keep saying you're proud of me, proud of me during my POP. I was very happy, very very happy I can make you proud. 

Until just now, you told me all those stuff. My whole world came crashing down. 

Like why am I even working so hard for? For what, for who. 

They pasted this security trooper band on my arm, saying 'welcome to your new unit'. I'm like fuck, I don't even fucking wanna be here. Who the fuck wanna be here. 

They say, you'll be proud when you pass out in 7weeks time. I'm like fuck, I'll be ashamed when I'm here, even more ashamed when I pass out from here. 

I'm sorry, I disgraced you.